This article originally appeared, in a slightly different version, in the 2014 Spring Issue of Bi Women Quarterly.
Solutions for Bisexual
Mental Health Issues
Much harm is done to bisexuals who reach out for help to
LGBT groups, websites, therapists, and mental health workers who are ignorant
or poorly informed about bisexuality, or not infrequently enough, outright
biphobic. Often, there is a complete lack of understanding that bisexual mental
health issues are in many ways different from and more complex than those of
gays and lesbians, with little or no mention made of separate or distinct
challenges that bisexuals face. Since many bisexuals just coming out are likely
to reach out to LGBT groups unaware of the potential pitfalls, we need to make
sure websites, mental health workers and other organizations that claim to have
information about bisexuality are not giving out misinformation or
participating in bi-erasure. Any group, organization, website that uses LGBT in
its name needs to be in compliance with actually being LGBT or change their
name to LG. Monitoring should take place by a bisexual group formed for this
purpose.
A readily
findable, strong bisexual community.
One of the main directives given to LGBT individuals who
are not welcome in their family/school/church is to find a new accepting and
supportive “family.” Thus bisexuals often reach out to what is ostensibly the
LGBT community, and while it is not unusual for bisexuals to find new friends,
allies, support in this world, it is also unfortunately common to find instead
new problems in the form of lesbian and gay biphobia and bi-erasure. Bisexuals
need a bisexual community to safely
reach out to for support, advice and family.
Having a strong bi community will also lessen stress
bisexuals have when losing straight or gay community support when they go from
being in a relationship with one gender to being in a relationship with another
gender.
While there are the promising beginnings of bisexual
communities forming, they need to be strengthened, expanded, developed, and
more tightly bound together.
More mental health
professionals specifically dedicated to bisexuality.
Bisexuals with issues affecting mental health need to be
able to find professionals who are more than just minimally acquainted with the
specific life challenges that bisexuals face.
Educating the general
public about bisexuality.
There needs to be a massive multi-front educational campaign
aimed at the general public. Currently, the great bulk of information the
average person is likely to happen to upon about bisexuality is filled with
stereotypes, myths, misinformation, and bigotry. Perplexed teens are asking and
answering each other’s questions about bisexuality. Many people likely first
come across the word “bisexual” in pornography, and then connected to slurs,
and thirdly in some form of misinformation often from seemingly reputable
sources. It is telling that gay-friendly parents of people coming out as
bisexual are reported by their children to spew things about a gay phase,
bisexuals not being real, and bisexuals being sex-crazy and immoral.
More out and
outspoken bisexuals.
As with any minority group seeking to rise above prejudices,
we need to be visible and vocal.
Harvey Milk’s Coming Out
Campaign is, I believe, hugely responsible for today’s greater acceptance
of homosexuality. The only truly effective way to bust the myths is for the world
to know who we are and how we live. We need to let the world see something of
us besides the barrage of porn labeled “bisexual,” gays who went through a
phase, and party girls who flirt with each other in front of men, but actually
self-ID as straight.
We have been ripe for being bashed, as our invisibility
makes us weak, easy, targets, ready victims who bashers have counted on to not
lash back with any intimidating force. We need to let the bashers know they
will hear from us, that we will embarrass the press and national organizations
publicly for their biphobia. We need to make it clear we expect our allies to
defend us too.
Individuals who come out and speak up will feel better
about themselves, all bisexuals will benefit from the lessening of biphobia,
and the most vulnerable among us will hear someone is speaking up for them, see
there is hope and pride, know they are not alone.
We need a bigger bisexual campaign for National Coming
Out Day, and a much bigger broader promotion of Bi-visibility Day.
While it’s important to acknowledge that many bisexuals
cannot safely come out; those who can without serious recriminations should be
encouraged and supported, those who cannot should be given info, support and
resources to help them break free from their oppressive restraints.
A better resource
list for bisexuals.
Though there are several good resource lists for
bisexuals available, they need to be up-date and fleshed out. Grant monies
could be used to fund regular searches for new resources, check out their legitimacy
and update lists. Lists, including those in different countries and regions,
should be cross referencing one another.
A consensus about
sexual labels, identities, and practices.
Daily fought mini wars over definitions, which divide the
non-mono-sexual community, further contributes to mental health issues. A bisexual/pansexual/omnisexual/etc.
alliance needs to be formed to come up with agreements on definitions, and then
a campaign with all groups participating, to promote these definitions. “Bisexual,”
as the most widely recognized term needs to be the umbrella term, so that the
greater public will not become further mystified. The notion that “bisexual”
necessarily and/or always promotes the binary needs to be eradicated.
This alliance also should tackle other issues so that people
seeking help don’t find websites/groups at odds with each other with regards to
philosophies about the need to come out, and mindsets about monogamy, for
example. The alliance should be formed in the spirit of embracing and
celebrating our diversity.
Rebuttals to religious
dogma regarding homosexual acts.
One of the biggest mental health problems bisexuals face
– as well as gays and lesbians - is shaming and fear due to religious
teachings. Bisexual groups should engage with gay and lesbian groups in
researching, validating, and collating the many useful responses/rebuttals to
these teaching, which are currently available, and creating a strong cohesive
resource which individuals and groups can easily find.
Educating the
public on the intolerability of male sexual objectification of women.
We have to bring back the feminist fight against male
objectification of women, especially in terms of male fantasies regarding two
or more females in engaged in sexual activities. It should be emphasized that
while it’s okay for consenting adults to choose to participate in gratification
of f/f male fantasies, it is quite another thing for men to equate “bisexual
woman” with an automatic desire to please men in these ways.
Own up to some
facts about bisexuals.
In response to “bisexuals are confused” a typical retort
by bisexuals is no, bisexuals are not any more confused than any other gender.
While clearly not all bisexuals are confused, and bisexuals are not, by nature
of their orientation, confused, the fact is that many bisexuals are confused. While it’s true that the
confusions bisexuals have are due to a mono-sexual oriented, hetero-centric, monogamy-based
society’s ‘norms’ and expectations, this doesn’t erase the reality. Denying
this fact prevents us from helping elevate the sources of the confusion. Many
bisexuals when first recognizing that they are attracted to more than one
gender are yes, confused, by these attractions, and sometimes go through a
lengthy process of sorting it out. Additionally, some bisexuals are confused about how to work their desires towards
more than one gender into their desire for committed relationships. Bisexuals
are also sometimes confused when reconciling who they thought they were – which
could include anything from a gay-hating heterosexual fundamentalist Christian to
an out-proud biphobic homosexual – to who they now understand they are, a
bisexual. Some bisexuals experience “fluidity” in their sexual attractions, and
for some this too is a source of confusion. Further, there tends to sometimes
be confusion for people who perceive themselves to be romantically inclined
towards one gender but only sexually interested in another. These potential
sources for mental health problems need be acknowledge so they can addressed.
Funneling grant
money and other funds designated “LGBT” towards bisexual issues.
