This Is My Body

"My latest piece in Bi.org: This is My Body
"This is my body. If I tell you that your advances are desired, but only if you are not toying with me; if I tell you not to play with me, because I will take you seriously; don’t tell me I am too uptight, or too sexual, or too repressed, or too much not like you. I am not here to be your, “safe place to explore sensuality with another woman.”.......

20 Ways to Leave Your Bisexual Closet

20 Ways to Leave Your Bisexual Closet my piece for National Coming Out Day in Unicorn Booty

10 Reasons Why You Should Help Fight Biphobia if You're Gay

My Unicorn Booty Article 10 Reasons Why You Should Help Fight Biphobia if You're Gay

15 Ways to Fight Biphobia

15 Ways to Fight Biphobia - my article on Unicorn Booty

Proud and Out Bisexual Candidate for Sheriff

Proud and Out Bisexual Candidate for Sheriff

Bisexual Conversations 101 - how to talk to bisexuals.

Bisexual Conversations 101

Biphobia on a Losing Streak

Pride in the Word Bisexual

Anything But Bi (ABB) is a phrase coined by bisexual activists to describe the tendency for people to avoid using the word bisexual to describe themselves or others. One of the main ABB manifestations is for people to say, “I don’t like labels.”

This aversion to labels is a sentiment so many of us understand and can relate to. The fantasy of just being oneself without having to use terms that are likely to be misunderstood is extremely alluring.

If many people of all orientations were to refuse to label themselves, we might have the beginnings of an important revolution. However, what’s telling and disturbing is that nearly always when someone expresses the no-label sentiment, it’s in regards to attractions and behaviors that fit the term bisexual. In other words, people who are straight or gay, when asked to express their sexual identity, don’t tend to say “I just don’t like labels;” it’s mainly only among those who are aware that they have attractions to multiple genders that we find people apt to respond with an anti-label philosophy.

Considering that the definition of bisexual is attraction to more than one gender, it’s significant that many people who have such attractions shun the word that most clearly describes their orientation.

We grow up forming an idea of who we are and what kind of person we will be when we are an adult. Naturally, we want to be things that we have learned are considered good, and want to avoid becoming things we have been told are bad. With all the negative stereotypes about bisexuality, it’s no wonder people have trouble thinking of themselves as being THAT word. Of course, people don’t want a ton of biphobic bigotry piled upon them.

So it’s no wonder that we see famous people coming out, saying “I’ve been with men and women, but I don’t like labels.”

The ironic thing is that most of the time, when someone goes for the “no-label” label, people still tend to think of them as bisexual, and thus they are still subjected to the biphobia they so carefully try to avoid. When not assumed to be bisexual, they get mislabeled as gay or straight and confused or experimenting. Thus, also ironically, not being willing to label oneself as bisexual only feeds into the stereotypes that say that people who engage in relationships with more than one gender are confused, indecisive, or just playing around.

One of the best ways to overcome the fear of negative associations when attempting to accept oneself as bisexual is to be around other people who have embraced the label, people who have brushed off the slurs so unjustly attached to the term, and focused on the positives.

My fellow bisexual activists are an amazing group of people who tirelessly throw themselves into the line of fire to make it easier for people to come out. More and more we are seeing our efforts pay off. It’s now possible to find bisexual community. Once one becomes a part of proud bisexual spaces –whether following bi-community Twitter accounts such as mine, @BisexualBatman, or groups like @BRC_Central, @Bi_Community, and dozens of others, or a real-world community group like South-West Missouri Bisexual/Pansexual Pride, or any of the many other bi groups – one gets a whole new perspective on the word bisexual.

Seeing the beauty, benefits, and freedom that come from labeling oneself authentically as a member of a group of people with a rich history, a dynamic present, and a future that holds even greater promise, makes it surprisingly easy and rewarding to proudly wear the term bisexual.  

This was originally published as my BiAngle Column in the June 2015 issue of The Gayly

Building Bisexual Community in the Ozarks

My BiAngle Column in The Gayly May 2015

As I wrote in my Solutions to Bisexual Mental Health article in Bi Women Quarterly, one of the main objectives for bettering bisexuals’ appalling statistics is to form a strong community.

According to BiNet USA’s mission statement, building community is a major focus for the organization. They even have created a map showing bisexual groups across the country. Finding one another is perhaps our biggest roadblock towards creating non-cyberspace community.

Recently, a new member to BiNet USA’s Facebook page posted, “I wish I knew more Bi people here in Tulsa!!! I wish there were a group like this one!!”

Someone in Springfield responded that there is a new bisexual group at The Gay & Lesbian Community Center of the Ozarks (GLO) and then posted a link to the South West Missouri (SWMO) Bisexual/Pansexual Pride Group’s Facebook page.

I contacted the page’s administrators to get more information. My hope is that this column will lead more bisexuals in the area to the group.

Wendy Owens, who started the Facebook page, says the GLO Center, which will be celebrating its twenty-year anniversary next year, is the longest continually running LGBT+ Center in Missouri.

The Center, which offers, “a place to be yourself, a place to meet others in the community, and a place to find information about the community at large,” also hosts the annual Greater Ozarks Pridefest.

Owens says she first connected with GLO when she went looking for transgender resources.

Seeing how difficult it was to find such resources led Owens to start the Springfield Transgender Resource Group on Facebook, which she says has helped many in the Southwest Missouri region and beyond find physicians, psychiatric help, and support. Owens explains that, “This personal outreach put me on the Board of Directors radar,” which then led to her being recruited to be a GLO Center board member.

“One thing that has been important for me since day one on the board” Owens explains, “is the need to help those who are on the fringes and often marginalized, and there was a decided lack of such for our area.” She went on to say, “The Board has a motto that, ‘Everyone shall have a seat at the table.’ Being that I identified as pansexual as well as transgender, I was shocked to not see any real outreach or organization for the Bi/Pan community. It was asked one night what, and to whom we could reach out to. It just so happened that I already the idea formed and had created a Facebook group towards gauging the interest in a monthly Bisexual/Pansexual Support Group.”

Her intent is to allow those who attend shape the group, make it personal and theirs, with the idea that people will take more pride in it that way.

In her position as Co-Chair for the Greater Ozarks Pridefest Committee, Owens planned that the forming bi/pan group’s first event — a Bar-Bi-Que — also be the kickoff event for Pride Week to give visibility to bi/pan issues.

The Bar-Bi-Que is scheduled for June 14th, the Sunday before Pride. Owens wants the event to convey to bisexuals and pansexuals in the area that, “they are seen and loved.” The event begins at 7:00 p.m. at the GLO Center at 518 East Commercial Street, Springfield.

Co-administrator of the bi/pan Facebook page, Collins RC, moved to Springfield about a year ago, connected to GLO when they went looking for queer community, and soon joined the pride planning committee.

Acknowledging that the center does not include bisexuality in its name, Collins says that they never experienced any biphobia at GLO, and that only encouragement has been encountered when they tried to increase bi/pan/queer outreach.

Collins says they “jumped at the idea,” when, during Pride planning, Owens mentioned the importance of a bi/pan event.

Collins hopes the bi/pan group will have a meeting at GLO every other week, that there will be a more active Facebook page, and perhaps an educational blog.

 Collins is also interested in exploring bi specific history in the area, and says, “We are starting a trend of real action around diverse queer identities.” 

My article in Unicorn Booty: 10 Supportive Things to Say to Bisexuals

10 Things You May Think Sound Supportive of Bisexuals But Aren't

10 Things You May Think Sound Supportive of Bisexuals But Aren't - my latest article in Unicorn Booty.

15 Notable African-Americans Who Are Out As Bisexual.

My article: 15 Notable African-Americans Who Are Out As Bisexual.

The Fallacy of Bisexual Heteroprivilege

This first appeared, in a slightly different version, in my column The BiAngle in the August issue of The Gayly.

Bisexual heteroprivilege — the notion that bisexuals can easily pass as straight, and therefore do not suffer the same level of discrimination as gays — is overly simplistic and ignores multiple realities.

Many bisexuals are in same-sex relationships, many look and act in ways that people associate as gay, and — though this is rarely spoken about — a great many bisexuals actually pass as gay. For these bisexuals, straight-privilege is no more attainable than it is for any lesbian or gay person.

Okay admittedly, a bisexual passing as gay can choose to go through the trauma of breaking up with the same-sex person they are in love with, in hopes that the next person they love will be of a different-gender, so that they can go from being in a closet labeled gay, to being in a closet labeled straight.

Bisexuals who do fall in love with different-gender partners, can choose the wonderful experience of denying their identity so that they can have the privilege of appearing to be something that’s alien to themselves, yet more palatable to society.

Indeed, the idea of bisexual hetero-privilege implies that it is a privilege to be seen as someone who you are not, that it is a privilege to have your identity erased. Nearly every gay and lesbian has known the horrible price of secrecy and self-abdication. It is short-sighted then, to think it’s any different for bisexuals.

Most bisexuals – once they’ve come out to themselves – will tell you that they love being bisexual. Why? Because that’s who they are. It’s a basic human desire, to be seen, loved, and appreciated for ourselves. Which is exactly why so many LGBT people are out of the closet.

Yes, the logistics of being closeted — hiding as gay or straight —can be relatively easy for bisexuals, especially for those in committed relationships. It’s also especially difficult to come out — since many gays and straights shove us back in the closet with the insistence that we in fact “play” for one of their “teams.” Further, there is extra incentive for bisexuals to stay closeted, since when coming out we faces not only homophobia, but also biphobia.

It’s no wonder then, that one of my most popular blog posts is, “Why Bother Coming Out as Bisexual?” The answer is, for our own mental health, because using either gay or straight “monosexual privilege” denies us our truths. This is why the words “erasure” and “invisibility” come up constantly in bi-activism. Passing privilege requires we embrace erasing ourselves, while watching the entire bi community face relentless erasure from the press, mass media, mainstream culture, and the gay community. Being erased is no privilege; it’s a problem bisexuals constantly struggle to overcome. 

The “advantages” some bisexuals have for being more likely to be mistaken as heterosexual also often include, being ostracized by many in the LG community, being called homophobic, being ousted from inclusion in supposed LGBT events, and being referred to as allies. These reactions often come in the form of putting blame on bisexuals for the realities of a heteronormative world, as if bisexuals are responsible for our society’s homophobic tendencies. What’s being overlooked is that, not only did bisexuals not make the rules, but we don’t like them any more than gays do. While bisexuals reject hetero-normativity, many gays embrace and promote the monosexual-normativity that oppresses bisexuals.

For many bisexuals, the price for being in different-gender relationships does not end with the negative effects of passing, and animosity from gays. Bisexuals with straight partners often face difficulties inside the relationship due to the partner’s biphobia, which can include: insistence that they are now straight because of the relationship; expectations for threesomes; demands that they be closeted about being bi; and accusations of cheating with, or wanting to cheat with, someone of the same sex. We could call this bisexual hetero-disadvantage – except that bisexuals face many similar problems within same-sex relationships.

In summary, while some bisexuals do sometimes experience some advantages for appearing heterosexual, for many of us there is no such reality, and for most others the “privilege” is unasked for, unwelcomed, and comes with way too high of price tag to be properly defined as “privilege.”

Choosing Where to Live as an LGBT Person

This is my article published, in a slightly different form, in the fall Issue of Bi Women Quarterly. 

Perhaps the most important current issue for bisexuals is overcoming invisibility. This battle requires more out people, which ironically requires more out people — to provide a community for support, information, and camaraderie. It’s important then, that those of us who feel most safe take the lead.

When I look at what steered me to becoming a person who feels secure enough to not only be out but also out loud, I know much of it started before I was born, started with the family I was born into and the community I grew up in. I know too, that when I hit adulthood and began making decisions for my life, my sexual identity always figured into the choices I made – who I associated with, who I got close to, where I went to college, and where I chose to live.

So when I considered the question posed for this issue of Bi Women Quarterly, “How has your geographic location effected your experience of your sexual orientation?” I realized, for me, largely, it’s more of a matter of how being an LGBT person has effected what geographical locations I have chosen to call home.

Growing up with liberal open-minded parents in a diverse community in the Virgin Islands with — what at the time (1960’s) — was a relatively large out population, helped shape me into a teen who had no problem accepting my sexual identity.

Perhaps having this strong foundation helped me understand that I wouldn't be able to tolerate living anywhere that wouldn’t tolerate who I am. Every time I've moved, I've chosen places that were LGBT friendly, and had large out LGBT communities.

Not only did this help make me feel welcome and accepted by the community at large, but also safe enough to not have to be closeted. Additionally, as a bisexual who was in an opposite-sex relationship for a long time, and often assumed to be straight, living in areas with large LGBT populations, also helped make me feel less disconnected from my queerness.

I realize that not everyone always has the luxury to be able to live where they choose. However, I also realize that there were sacrifices that came with the choices I've made. In my mid-twenties, I moved from San Francisco to central Florida to be near family. I’d lived so far from parents and siblings for many years, and missed the connection. But I couldn't stay. I’m sure I could have found an LGBT community in the area if I looked for it, but the fact that I would have had to look for it is enough to explain why I did not feel at home there, even amongst my family. I returned to San Francisco in less than a year.

I currently live deep inside the Bible Belt, in the south, in a state tarnished by its historical intolerance. However, the town I live in is an oasis of respite from all the above. In 2007, Eureka Springs became the first city in Arkansas to offer civil unions for same sex couples, and in 2011 the first to provide health care coverage for the domestic partners of municipal workers. This year, the first same-sex couples to be married in the South and in the Bible Belt, were married in this little Ozark village. Our tiny town of approximately 2,000 celebrates three Diversity Weekends a year.

Currently, this area is having a crisis in regards to an environmental issue. At a hearing on the matter, many talked of the sacrifices they made to live here, having taken major cuts in income, and upward mobility, to be near natural beauty and serenity. On a personal level, living in this small, isolated, town is severely impacting my income and career prospects. Logistically speaking, at this point in my life, it would be incredibly easy for me to move some place where there would be many more opportunities. Ultimately though, it comes down to the fact that this is where I want to be – because here I have tolerance and diversity, nature and community. These are the things that are most important to me.

When choosing where to live, we all weigh the pluses against the minuses. Can I earn a living? Can I maintain sanity? Can I build community? How important is nature? How important is nightlife? How important is being accepted for who I am? What is the housing situation? Etcetera, etcetera. When I do life coaching with bisexuals who want to be out, but feel that where they live, where they work, or whom they rely on, would make this untenable, I help them explore the possibilities of changing these things. Though unfortunately, sometimes there’s limited prospects to alter one’s geographic location, more often people can change where they live to make being out safer and easier; it all comes down to a matter of priorities.

Bi Pride

This first appeared in my June, The BiAngle, column in The Gayly.

Bi Pride

The progress of bisexual pride has been caught up in a vicious cycle. A strong bisexual community cannot form without people who are out, but it can be extremely difficult for people to come out without a strong community behind them. Unfortunately, due to rampant biphobia within the gay community, “LGBT” groups often cannot be counted on by bisexuals seeking safe space and acceptance.  

Further contributing to the reality that there are more closeted bisexuals than gays or lesbians, is the fact that bisexuals can have an especially challenging time coming out to themselves. The difficult part of accepting that one is not straight, is having to admit that there is an aspect of who you are that is largely unacceptable to society. Some gays feel that bisexuals have it easier because they are “only half gay.” However, a survey showed that bisexuals not only ranked lower, in social acceptance, than gays and lesbians, but also lower than “all other groups assessed—including religious, racial, ethnic, and political groups—except injecting drug users.”

The combination of biphobia and the multiple-attraction nature of bisexuality further complicates the coming-out-to-one’s-self process. Young people may have only heard the word “bisexual” in connection to porn, or attached to words such as “cheaters,” “liars,” and “indiscriminate.” Bisexuals coming of age and noticing their attraction to more than one sex, may try to rationalize their same-sex desires away - a coping strategy caused by their unwillingness to consider the possibility of a label they only know to have negative connotations. For other bisexuals, the fact that they feel same-sex attractions is often interpreted as meaning that they are gay, and they then dismiss or ignore, for as long as possible, their opposite-sex attractions - again, the hope is to avoid identification with what they likely think of as, that terrible thing, “bisexual.” Furthermore, because of the stereotypes of bisexuals being “confused,” or “non-existent,” a bisexual is likely to feel the need be super certain of their identity before coming out.

Even when having no doubt in regards to their feelings and attractions, many bisexual think they need to have multiple experiences with both men and women before being allowed to declare their identity. This is constantly reinforced by the intense personal scrutiny bisexuals encounter: Have you ever actually had a romantic relationship with a man? How many women have you even slept with? Since many bisexuals are not promiscuous, this insistence that they need to prove themselves by having multiple sexual and romantic partners, creates yet another stumbling block to owning their identity.

Even once bisexuals have come out to themselves, they still face extreme challenges in coming out to others. Their friends, family members, and community, not only have to overcome homophobia, but also biphobia, and nearly always, bi-ignorance. When bisexuals come out, they face not only being called slurs such as “slut,” and “greedy,” but also disbelief that their identity is even valid, admonishments for failing to come out as gay, and accusations of being confused or seeking attention.

The evening after the first same-sex couples in Arkansas were married in my town, Eureka Springs, I went to a celebration event, where I sadly encountered a classic, every-day, bit of biphobia. The person with the mic asked: “How many straight people are here tonight? How many lesbians? How many gays? And how many of you are just effing confused?”

Many people do not understand how damaging a negative comment about bisexuals can be. The next day, I happened to see this post by a young person on social media, “So I like women, and I like my boyfriend, I am bisexual right? Wrong. Many people associate the term bisexual with confused. And I am not confused, I am happy.”

Considering all the issues bisexuals face in coming out, how can there be hope for bi-pride until we get beyond a time when even gays make insensitive jokes at the expenses of bisexuals? The situation is especially bleak when many bisexuals, with little community to support them, end up taking the stereotypes to heart, and refuse to embrace their identity. 

Love, Sex, and Understanding the Universe Print Version

My bisexual themed literary coming of age novel, with a polyamory subplot, "Love, Sex, and Understanding the Universe," is now available on Amazon in a print version, in addition to the Kindle e-book version.

Bi-Voice

This is my first piece as The BiAngle Columnist for The Gayly, which hit the stands in May. My June BiAngle column is entitled, BiPride.

Bi-Voice

A main consensus about what can be done to help bisexuals suffer less at the hands of biphobia and bi-erasure, is bi-visibility, and bi-voice, and their inevitable consequence, bi-pride. News of my new column, focusing on bisexuality, in The Gayly, was met enthusiastically by the online bisexual community, not only because The Gayly is being inclusive, but also because the column is going to be written by someone who actually knows about bisexual issues. Unfortunately, it’s rather rare that something referenced as LGBT will neither ignore, nor marginalize, but actually give clear and ongoing recognition to, the largest group within the acronym.

On Facebook bisexual community pages there are frequent links to articles where someone who is out as bisexual is unequivocally referred to as gay; reports of events labeled LGBT where bisexuals were refused representation; links to studies designed to determine if bisexuals exist, instead of exploring what can be done about the fact that bisexuals have the highest rates of suicide, depression, poverty, rape, and domestic violence. Then there are links to articles that seem to attempt to give recognition to bisexuals, but instead further perpetuate stereotypes and misinformation, often quoting “experts” who are neither bisexual nor listen to what bisexuals have to say.

It’s telling that I, myself, am more excited about The Gayly having a regular column about bisexuality that’s written by someone who is bisexual and knowledgeable than I am about the fact that I'm the one writing it.

There are worlds of bi-specific matters that go left unaddressed when bi is lumped into an “LGBT” that is really only LG, or as some bi-activists have coined, GGGG. This column will be about bi-news, bi-issues, and bi-solutions. I’ll be discussing ways bisexuals and our allies can combat biphobia, and ways to cope with bisexual-related stressors. I’ll be reviewing the multifaceted importance of bi-pride.

My own perspective is from entering my 20’s in 1980, during the height of the gay liberation movement. In the revolutionary fury of the times, many bisexuals, denying their own truths, systematically rallied for - what was seen as the larger cause - gay rights. Jump to 2014, and gay rights have made huge advances; meanwhile it appears to be open season for belittling, hating, sexually harassing, and marginalizing bisexuals. Many bisexuals still deny their own truths while continuing to fight for - what is too often referred to as gay marriage instead of the bisexual inclusive - same-sex marriage.

Gay causes will always be bisexual causes, and bisexuals will always fight for them, but the converse isn't true – bisexual-specific issues don’t directly affect non-straight monosexuals. No longer is it acceptable for bisexuals to ignore our own issues, focusing energy on gay rights, while too many gays and lesbians are on the forefront of bisexual bullying. Though, appreciatively, there are many gays and lesbians who do care about our issues, it is long past time for bisexuals to rise to the task of dealing with our specific problems.

Many bisexuals struggle with not only homophobia but also biphobia, from their families and communities. However, what is especially disturbing, is that many who have gay-friendly families and or communities, still struggle with harsh biphobia from these sources. Many are barely coping, and those of us who have escaped the brunt of biphobia, feel the call to step up to the plate. I’m fortunate in this way, and yet, doing work, such as seeking out and responding to biphobia as @BisexualBatman on Twitter, has taken its toll on me. After months of keeping up with such tasks, I now find there are days when I just can’t. When I get tweets telling me to “go kill yourself,” or calling me greedy, or with crude suggestions of what I should do with other people’s genitalia, it hurts - not personally, but because I know that other bisexuals, those who were never given the chance to develop the emotional strength I have, are being told similar things, often from their families, “friends,” and worse, people they turned to for help, expecting them to be allies.

Solutions for Bisexual Mental Health

This article originally appeared, in a slightly different version, in the 2014 Spring Issue of Bi Women Quarterly.

Solutions for Bisexual Mental Health Issues

 Educating mental health workers, groups and organizations that claim to be LGBT.

Much harm is done to bisexuals who reach out for help to LGBT groups, websites, therapists, and mental health workers who are ignorant or poorly informed about bisexuality, or not infrequently enough, outright biphobic. Often, there is a complete lack of understanding that bisexual mental health issues are in many ways different from and more complex than those of gays and lesbians, with little or no mention made of separate or distinct challenges that bisexuals face. Since many bisexuals just coming out are likely to reach out to LGBT groups unaware of the potential pitfalls, we need to make sure websites, mental health workers and other organizations that claim to have information about bisexuality are not giving out misinformation or participating in bi-erasure. Any group, organization, website that uses LGBT in its name needs to be in compliance with actually being LGBT or change their name to LG. Monitoring should take place by a bisexual group formed for this purpose.

A readily findable, strong bisexual community.

One of the main directives given to LGBT individuals who are not welcome in their family/school/church is to find a new accepting and supportive “family.” Thus bisexuals often reach out to what is ostensibly the LGBT community, and while it is not unusual for bisexuals to find new friends, allies, support in this world, it is also unfortunately common to find instead new problems in the form of lesbian and gay biphobia and bi-erasure. Bisexuals need a bisexual community to safely reach out to for support, advice and family.

Having a strong bi community will also lessen stress bisexuals have when losing straight or gay community support when they go from being in a relationship with one gender to being in a relationship with another gender.

While there are the promising beginnings of bisexual communities forming, they need to be strengthened, expanded, developed, and more tightly bound together.

More mental health professionals specifically dedicated to bisexuality.

Bisexuals with issues affecting mental health need to be able to find professionals who are more than just minimally acquainted with the specific life challenges that bisexuals face.

Educating the general public about bisexuality.

There needs to be a massive multi-front educational campaign aimed at the general public. Currently, the great bulk of information the average person is likely to happen to upon about bisexuality is filled with stereotypes, myths, misinformation, and bigotry. Perplexed teens are asking and answering each other’s questions about bisexuality. Many people likely first come across the word “bisexual” in pornography, and then connected to slurs, and thirdly in some form of misinformation often from seemingly reputable sources. It is telling that gay-friendly parents of people coming out as bisexual are reported by their children to spew things about a gay phase, bisexuals not being real, and bisexuals being sex-crazy and immoral.

More out and outspoken bisexuals.

As with any minority group seeking to rise above prejudices, we need to be visible and vocal.

Harvey Milk’s Coming Out Campaign is, I believe, hugely responsible for today’s greater acceptance of homosexuality. The only truly effective way to bust the myths is for the world to know who we are and how we live. We need to let the world see something of us besides the barrage of porn labeled “bisexual,” gays who went through a phase, and party girls who flirt with each other in front of men, but actually self-ID as straight.

We have been ripe for being bashed, as our invisibility makes us weak, easy, targets, ready victims who bashers have counted on to not lash back with any intimidating force. We need to let the bashers know they will hear from us, that we will embarrass the press and national organizations publicly for their biphobia. We need to make it clear we expect our allies to defend us too.

Individuals who come out and speak up will feel better about themselves, all bisexuals will benefit from the lessening of biphobia, and the most vulnerable among us will hear someone is speaking up for them, see there is hope and pride, know they are not alone.

We need a bigger bisexual campaign for National Coming Out Day, and a much bigger broader promotion of Bi-visibility Day.

While it’s important to acknowledge that many bisexuals cannot safely come out; those who can without serious recriminations should be encouraged and supported, those who cannot should be given info, support and resources to help them break free from their oppressive restraints.

A better resource list for bisexuals.

Though there are several good resource lists for bisexuals available, they need to be up-date and fleshed out. Grant monies could be used to fund regular searches for new resources, check out their legitimacy and update lists. Lists, including those in different countries and regions, should be cross referencing one another. 

A consensus about sexual labels, identities, and practices.

Daily fought mini wars over definitions, which divide the non-mono-sexual community, further contributes to mental health issues. A bisexual/pansexual/omnisexual/etc. alliance needs to be formed to come up with agreements on definitions, and then a campaign with all groups participating, to promote these definitions. “Bisexual,” as the most widely recognized term needs to be the umbrella term, so that the greater public will not become further mystified. The notion that “bisexual” necessarily and/or always promotes the binary needs to be eradicated.

This alliance also should tackle other issues so that people seeking help don’t find websites/groups at odds with each other with regards to philosophies about the need to come out, and mindsets about monogamy, for example. The alliance should be formed in the spirit of embracing and celebrating our diversity.

Rebuttals to religious dogma regarding homosexual acts.

One of the biggest mental health problems bisexuals face – as well as gays and lesbians - is shaming and fear due to religious teachings. Bisexual groups should engage with gay and lesbian groups in researching, validating, and collating the many useful responses/rebuttals to these teaching, which are currently available, and creating a strong cohesive resource which individuals and groups can easily find. 

Educating the public on the intolerability of male sexual objectification of women. 

We have to bring back the feminist fight against male objectification of women, especially in terms of male fantasies regarding two or more females in engaged in sexual activities. It should be emphasized that while it’s okay for consenting adults to choose to participate in gratification of f/f male fantasies, it is quite another thing for men to equate “bisexual woman” with an automatic desire to please men in these ways.

Own up to some facts about bisexuals.

In response to “bisexuals are confused” a typical retort by bisexuals is no, bisexuals are not any more confused than any other gender. While clearly not all bisexuals are confused, and bisexuals are not, by nature of their orientation, confused, the fact is that many bisexuals are confused. While it’s true that the confusions bisexuals have are due to a mono-sexual oriented, hetero-centric, monogamy-based society’s ‘norms’ and expectations, this doesn’t erase the reality. Denying this fact prevents us from helping elevate the sources of the confusion. Many bisexuals when first recognizing that they are attracted to more than one gender are yes, confused, by these attractions, and sometimes go through a lengthy process of sorting it out. Additionally, some bisexuals are confused about how to work their desires towards more than one gender into their desire for committed relationships. Bisexuals are also sometimes confused when reconciling who they thought they were – which could include anything from a gay-hating heterosexual fundamentalist Christian to an out-proud biphobic homosexual – to who they now understand they are, a bisexual. Some bisexuals experience “fluidity” in their sexual attractions, and for some this too is a source of confusion. Further, there tends to sometimes be confusion for people who perceive themselves to be romantically inclined towards one gender but only sexually interested in another. These potential sources for mental health problems need be acknowledge so they can addressed.

Funneling grant money and other funds designated “LGBT” towards bisexual issues.

Many of the suggestions above will require funding, so this is perhaps the most fundamental solution for bisexual mental health issues. Bisexual groups, organizations and individuals need to lobby federal, state, and local governments, and Funders for LGBTQ Issues, and others, to specifically designate “LGBT” monies - long channeled nearly exclusively towards lesbian and gay issues - for bisexual specific issues.

LGBTQIPA et al.

I'd really like to see people start using NSP instead of LGBTQIPA etc. NSP - for non-straight people, it seems to me, would cover it all, and be a lot more manageable.

I'm old enough - 53 - to remember a time before anyone ever used LGB, much less the loger version(s). I'm working off memory here, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, and I realize too that different things may have been happening in different places. Anyway, what I recall is that back in the 70s, people were talking about Gay rights a lot. Then I remember lesbians wanting to be mentioned separately and not assumed to be included in "Gay" rights, very likely partially as a result of the feminist movement. Then the press etc. started referring to Lesbian and Gay rights - most likely "Lesbian" came first because if it came second it would upset feminist.

Eventually,bisexuals said, "hey, what about us?" As it got lengthy to say Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual rights the press started using LGB rights. A little later, not much, the trans world chimed in as well, and LGBT was born.

It was - I believe - some years later, that I saw a Q added. At that time Q was for queer to cover mainly, I understood, people who either didn't want to be labeled, or didn't feel they quite fit any of the labels. I'm not sure how people now define queer, but at the time queer, which had been earlier derogatory for homosexual, was taken on as an umbrella term to mean "not straight as an arrow." Now, I've seen Q in LGBTQ refereed to as specifically, "Questioning."

Back when I fist heard the word bisexual, 1974 or so, I'm pretty sure no one had yet coined the term pansexual. The whole pan verses bisexual will be another blog post for me soon. But yeah, self-defined pansexuals consider themselves not the same as bisexual and so a P had to be thrown into the lot. 

Inter-sexed people is another whole group that is ignored, bashed, and discriminated against, so the I was added too, I think much more recently.

In an earlier blog post The Superpower of Bi-invisibility, I offhandedly used "LGBQT" to lead readers to a related link. One such reader was kind enough to comment that I should also add "A" on the list to include asexuals. I believe everyone needs recognition and respect and equal rights, so I agreed. However, this made me all the more aware of something that I'd long thought about and intend to write a blog about soon - the extent to which, as the list grows longer, we (meaning all of those included on the list) have our individual group's issues, problems, joys, legalities, etc, watered down. Further, bundling ourselves like this, I believe, has been the cause of some in-fighting. Stay tuned for my future blog about that if you want to hear more.

Meanwhile, when we do all want to stand together, or be refereed to together, in regards to common issues, can we just start using NSP? I think this way we are less likely to leave anyone else out too. Or perhaps, NTHP - for non-traditionally heterosexual people?